Misinterpreted Nonverbal Communication. Week 5 Assignment.

 

Misinterpreted nonverbal communication is a regular occurrence in my family. We each have our own ways of expressing anger, sadness, excitement, nervousness or frustration, and even though we have all known each other and been in countless repeating situations with each other stemming from every emotion, we still misunderstand each other.

            One of my family members raises her voice when she is trying to express a point because she grew up believing people were not listening, so even when she is not angry, she can come across as so, because she is trying so hard to express herself and ensure being heard. I know what it is like to misunderstand her, and sometimes take her furrowed eyebrows, raised shoulders and animated hands personally, as if she is angry with me, but I have to remind myself that is simply how she learned to express herself and how she gets a point across, especially if it’s something she is passionate about.

            I remember being afraid to ask for help because I did not think she would be interested in helping, and when we finally talked about it, she was very offended that I had not asked for help. But my reasoning was that her nonverbal cues of silence and disinterest caused me to assume that she was uninterested. She assumed I was unwilling to ask her for help because by not asking her and being quiet if she did bring it up was my way of saying I wanted to do it on my own, which was only true in part. I then realized that she did want to be involved after finally talking about the subject, but even then, her furrowed brows caused me to ask for her reassurance because it seemed she was still frustrated, but I came to realize that she appeared angry because she was very passionate about wanting to help me with this.

Identities In Me. Week 4 Intercultural Comm Project.

 For class this week, we were asked to choose and describe two identities which we associate with and answer certain questions in reference to those identities and their role in our lives. Here's what my brain threw out!

           

          When meditating on identities that I am classed with or that are hidden within me, the first thing that I notice is that I am a woman. Sure, there are the disadvantages of being hit on by people you’re not interested in, or worse, people who make you uncomfortable, and there are some deep hardships (like childbirth) that come with being a woman, but overall, it is something to be proud of. Now, I am painfully aware that I am saying this as a citizen of the United States of America, and that I have been incredibly blessed to reside in one of the more democratic nations where voting and drinking coffee and wearing jeans is not a crime, but even here the poverty rate for women looms over certain geographical locations. Some countries do not allow women to drive, or vote, some women are abused or taken advantage of simply because of their gender (Ellison, 2011), but I don’t think that’s how it was meant to be.

            In the Old Testament book of Genesis, we see God create Eve from the rib He took from Adam while he slept (Genesis 2:21-22). John Greco, of Relevant Magazine, discusses Eve’s role in his article, The Forgotten Element of Romance, and explains how despite misunderstandings due to faulty English translations, Eve is not so much a ‘helper,’ but rather someone who ‘fills up what is lacking’ (Greco, 2012). God created woman with a very important purpose in mind. Everything else He created in those first six days was seen as ‘good’ when He was finished, but when he saw that Adam was alone, it was ‘not good’ (Genesis 2:18). What helped me to realize how beautiful this role was has so much to do with Scripture and seeing how even Jesus was very close with the women around Him, and God created woman because Adam wasn’t complete by himself, this reveals to me that I have a pretty important role to fulfill! This indeed gives me a feeling of purpose and challenges me to grow in virtue as I mature.

            As stated earlier, there are slight disadvantages to being a woman, such as being a more vulnerable gender, and sometimes being the subject of affections not desired, but overall, I find the advantages to outweigh the disadvantages! I am the ying to mans yang, he is strong, clumsy and unemotional; the protector. Whereas I am the relational, soft yet firm vitality of this duo. I find it a joy to be the nurturer of children by my own nature, I find it a joy to be a little bit (or a lot) stubborn and ridiculous in my pursuit of things when it comes to wanting to provide good food and hospitality to others. Nora Ephron relates well in her book, I Feel Bad About My Neck and Other thoughts on Being a Woman, as she jests about the cabbage strudel she just must find and share with her husband or have at a party for others to indulge (Ephron, 2008). Most people might not understand, but when a woman sets her mind to something, she fulfills her desired purpose and sits enthroned in her success of accomplishment, and then races off to the next impossible errand!

This role of being a woman is very cool for my job in particular, because I work at a preschool, so truly women are the best at dealing with and nurturing children. I love that I am the essence of comfort, and that I am learning how to be better woman by caring for children. It effects how women communicate with each other because we all understand this fierceness that lies beneath the surface of combed hair and eyeliner. We know what each other is capable of, and we silently respect it even in the women we dislike. When communicating with others, for example, men, we are able to stand apart and have qualities only attained by women, and this is the age old game of cat and mouse, the birds and the bees. We possess something they don’t and vise versa, which is why we are drawn to each other in this strange and dangerous combination that is at times hilarious, other times beautiful and always seems to be pure insanity.

Another identity that I identify with is that of a daughter. I am not only a daughter to my parents, I am a daughter to every person who has taught me something, every woman or man who has lived longer or deeper than I have, and that has wrapped their arms of wisdom around me in hopes to guide, or simply lived in their little worlds while I watched, unbeknownst to them and learned from their successes and failures. I am the daughter of a friendly, hard-working, coffee loving man and a beautiful, sacrificial and creative woman, and I am the daughter of their parents as well as their parents parents who have passed down the veins that make me me. Our parents teach us much of our self-esteem and values of self-worth (Kitamura, 2008), and although my parents were not perfect, being their daughter taught me that they do not love me for what I do, but for who I am, and I know that if I fail, they will not abandon me, and while they cheer when I succeed, at the end of the day it is me who is their prize.

Being a daughter is different than being a son because even my brothers are protective of me. It is an advantage being a daughter because if your family is healthy, you learn how to be a wife by watching the way your parents treat each other, and a friend by seeing how your family interacts. A daughter is a learner, and that is such a grateful and rewarding thing to be. It can sometimes be difficult if you are taken less seriously by those who consider you a child, but wisdom comes with age, and in time, I too will have biological or surrogate daughters to teach. This effects me at work and school because it allows me to take a more humble role of learner in all situations, and I connect on such a unique level with others who consider themselves to be teachable, or simply daughters.

These roles are such a joy to find myself a part of. I am always learning, as well as teaching. I am blazing with a fierce boldness that comes with being a woman, and a humble heart that I have learned by being a daughter. They allow me to move forward with hope inspired by women before me, and by girls that I influence that challenge me to be a better woman today, and even learn from them as a daughter in unexpected situations. I think that men, who can neither truly be a woman or a daughter, would never really be able to delve into what we as females understand about each other. I think it allows for interesting relationships to share the opposites and learn from each other in that way, as we each share different sides of the image of God, our Creator. It is a joy and a thrill, and I will continue pursuing all that makes me woman, even the messy and painful stuff, like changing diapers and growing old!

           

ELLISON, J. (2011). THE 2011 GLOBAL WOMEN'S PROGRESS REPORT. Newsweek, 158(13), 27.

Kitamura, K. (2008). Adult mother-daughter relationships and psychological well-being: Attachment to mothers, depressive symptoms, and self-esteem. (English). Japanese Journal Of Psychology, 79(2), 116-124.

Ephron, N. (2008) . I feel bad about my neck: And other thoughts on being a woman. New York, NY: Vintage Books.

Greco, J. (2012). The forgotten element of romance. Relevant Magazine, Issue59. Retrieved from http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/relationships/forgotten-element-romance

Intercultural Communication, Week 3 Assignment.

 

1.     Why would it be important to examine the role of history in Intercultural Communication?

It is important to examine the role of history in Intercultural Communication because you cannot know where you are going, or why you are who you are now, without knowing what came before you. It is the same with a culture. Habits, behaviors and customs grow from a circumstance or struggle that culture perhaps experienced in it’s early years. Just as our reading from class states, “…we do not escape history, because decisions made in the past continue to influence us today,” (Martin, 2011).

If decisions from our past continue to influence us today, then we certainly must know and understand more about it as we move forward. We must know what might be holding us back, and what negative steps we have taken that might effect us from moving forward as a nation.

2.     What are hidden histories and how might hidden histories affect intercultural interactions?

Hidden histories are an occurrence that effects family history when they are revealed through DNA testing to show a bloodline that was maybe not known prior to testing. For example, it was discussed in chapter three of Experiencing Intercultural Communication (Martin, 2011) that some Hispanics in the Southwest that they are descendants of the Sephardic Jews, or the Marranos. Although this has been a part of them since before they were alive, because they were not aware of it, it has not affected their culture or behavior at all.

Hidden histories obviously affect intercultural interactions because some might have prejudices or negative feelings toward that specific line or group that they are now realizing they historically identify with, while others would accept the realization without qualms. It might cause dissention or at least confusion for a group if some choose to accept the hidden history while others do not.

3.     Compare and contrast family histories with national histories.

Family histories are what binds a family together and gives meaning to the present. We know who we are, why we talk the way we do and do the things we do because of the intimate family history that is orally passed down through relatives. National history is something that is historically documented and usually important to the people of the nation, rather than a family. It is usually written in such a way to make the nation appear better than it’s actual history would reveal.

Some groups have disagreed with newer standards of history teaching for high school students because they fear that the new material will “accentuate the negative in American history,” (Jost, 1995). People often desire to romanticize their cultures reputation, and the same thing can be done with family, when we tell the stories that make us seem heroic or brave, rather than the ones that reveal our skeletons in the closet.

4.     How is the history of gays and lesbians relevant to intercultural communication?

Just as Martin notes in Foundations of Intercultural Communication, “If we do not listen, we cannot hear the voices of others,” (Martin, 2011). Singles and couples of other sexual-orientations are a common peer-group among us in this day and age, Yale University alone being known as “the gay Ivy,” and having 1 in 4 gay students in it’s last unprofessional consensus done two decades ago, is very passionate about embracing their gay, lesbian and transgender students (Jost, 2004). They do not feel they can adequately move forward in education if each student from each and every background does not have a voice in their school whether as a professor or member of a club.

Even if we do not agree with a groups lifestyle or purpose behind their choices, we must allow ourselves to hear and communicate within life with other citizens and groups. Understanding the history of other groups, such as gays and lesbians opens our eyes so that we can more accurately assess where a group came from instead of judging them for the misconceptions we have about them based off of our lack of knowledge.

5.     How can we negotiate histories in interactions?

By knowing ourselves and others histories, we are better able to communicate with them. They are more than what we see when we stand on front of them, more than what they share about themselves to an acquaintance or even more than they know about themselves, and all of these things create who they are today. We must negotiate ourselves with others in a way that allows us to give validity to who they are and how they got there, even if we do not want to agree or go on with them in that culture.

Sometimes we must uncomfortably learn to have empathy for our own history when we find hidden histories, and we also need to do the same for others we meet, but either way, we cannot continue to learn if we do not negotiate ourselves and our prejudices to learn more about others, and ourselves so that we may all interact more effectively and accurately.

References

Jost, K. (1995, September 29). Teaching history. CQ Researcher, 5, 849-872. Retrieved from http://library.cqpress.com/cqresearcher/

Jost, K. (2004, October 1). Gays on campus. CQ Researcher, 14, 805-828. Retrieved from http://library.cqpress.com/cqresearcher/

Martin, J. et al., (2011). Foundations of intercultural communication. New York, NY: McGraw-Hill.